Let's Try Again Tomorrow

 This is not going to be a retrospective because I don't really want to do one. Also some of my family members see these blog posts so nothing of that sort. All I can give you is some vague recaps.

1. I'm glad we're not friends anymore for the sake of both of us

2. Benzene (deep voice)

3. You really are a bastard, aren't you?

4.I'm tired of being in love with someone who will never want me

5. The Greeks had some shit, huh?

6. Dodie needs to stop that

7. Depiglio (again)

8. [despair noises]

9. Well now I don't want to do it

10. "Kanny thinks it's cards"

You can unlock the stories behind these if you want. This is literally just the starting point for a bunch of new posts when I get around to it. Until then, don't make any predictions about the new year in my direction. I don't want them. You can figure it out as you go along.

The World's WORST Brownie Recipe

 Hello there faithful readers! I know it's been a while, but I thought I would come back with a real treat for you all today! I'm going to share here my absolute WORST brownie recipe that tastes absolutely, indescribably awful.

On those summer days when I work in a garden that's just not hot enough, I go home and make one of these so that I can feel like absolute shit. It's not quite the same as being in 98 degree heat, but it certainly gets the job done! We start with some quality brown rice. You can get it from the grocery store if that's what you're into. Usually, I go out into a field and grab random seeds from various plants and pretend that they're brown rice. It works just fine either way. You absolutely don't need to have a vivid imagination to mask that horribly bitter taste of the field seeds. If you buy your brown rice from a store, remember to think very hard about each grain. It softens some of the pain later.

The second most important part of your hideous brownies is the eggs. I locally source mine from turkey nests in the trees, but again, store bought is fine. If you do buy from the store though, make sure that you crack all of them open before you get home. This is important to keep your eggs from forming a god complex. You have to strike them down for their hubris so that they don't take over your kitchen when you get home.

The final, and most crucial component of this recipe is technique. You certainly can't beat your eggs and expect them to come home again after they're old enough to move out! You have to gently caress your ingredients (Yes this includes every single grain of rice. No ingredient left behind!) and make sure that you tuck them in before putting your horrible emulsion into your oven. This insures that your texture is gritty and grainy due to the unincorporated ingredients. It makes this recipe something that is fit to be served at the devil's dinnertable!

Without further ado, here's the recipe!

1 cup of brown rice

1/2 a cup of bee flour (straight from the bee grinder)

1 bar of Ex-Lax (melted)

A handful of Cocoa powder (Eyeballing it is fine, especially if you don't have hands)

As many eggs as you can fit in your pan

1. Pour the brown rice and bee flour into a large mixing bowl. Use a toilet plunger and plunge until they're thoroughly combined.

2. Start adding eggs. Don't stop. Remember to caress them and tuck them into the mixture afterward!!

3. Have your sleep paralysis demon melt the bar of Ex-Lax. They are very pleasant to work with if you ask nicely.

4. Stream in the melted Ex-Lax as you continue to caress and tuck your eggs into the mixture.

5. Ask your sleep paralysis demon to use a fine, mesh sifter to sift a handful of cocoa powder as you continue to tuck eggs. Make sure that you use your hands to measure the cocoa powder or else the sleep paralysis demon may use it to make a gateway to our dimension to possess your body and burn down your house.

6. As you continuously tuck eggs, pour the mixture into a large baking dish. Scrape the sides of the bowl with the plunger you used earlier.

7. Place the baking dish into your oven (Keep tucking those eggs!) and set your oven to the highest temperature possible.     

8. Bake the mixture until it brings dread to your heart and a withering malady has been brought upon your eyes.

9. Allow the mixture to cool for at least one hour.

10. Banish your sleep paralysis demon.

And there it is! I hope that you all vomit as much as you possibly can when you try my disgusting recipe. It is simultaneously uncomfortably dry and ridiculously wet in a malicious way that makes you want to wash your tongue with concentrated base. And who could possibly forget the horrible, hideous crunching of what can only be described as the bitter tears of your now long gone sleep paralysis demon.

Leave a comment with a picture of your own creations! Until next time!

Rating Band Names

 You get the idea based on the title. Let's get into it.

21 Pilots: I find it hard to believe that this specific number of pilots is strictly necessary. If there are too many pilots they'll only crowd the cockpit. 2/10. That's just a basic lack of planning.

Maroon 5: There? Are more???? Than five of them???????????? None of them???? Are any particular shade of red???????????? 3/10

Taylor Swift: If she were so swift, she would make music faster. When do the lies end, Taylor? When do they end? 1/10

N-Sync: Do you think you're funny? N-sync? In sync? In sync with what? A lazy singing style? 3/10

Foster the People: I'm certain you don't have enough influence or money to do that. Also, you shoot people? Is that right? You're most popular song is about shooting people? 4/10 but only because the song was good when I was 14 and depressed.

The Chainsmokers: I hate you and all that you do. You don't deserve that name, it's too edgy for your little trashy pop band of white men. You ruined Halsey, you ruined Coldplay (even if it was only temporary) and it infuriates me that your songs are so popular. 0. There won't be an /10 because you don't deserve it.

Lana Del Rey: That's not even your real name. I'll let it slide because I feel like you're living your best life. 8/10

Coldplay: You aren't even close to cold. When I want cold music, I want it to chill me to the bone, I want to feel real and genuine terror that stops my heart cold. You are moderately lukewarm. 5/10

Nickelback: I think it's sad that you included your net worth in your band name. I'm also mad that you were the main show at the North Dakota state fair during the July of 2018. They had Pop Evil open. We could have had a Pop Evil concert. How dare you. 1/10

Pop Evil: This name sounds like a cave man expressing an opinion. You get a pass because that's hilarious and I find great joy in it every time I think about it. 7/10

Imagine Dragons: I will. Thank you. 7/10

The Lumineers: Not much to say. Their album covers are always so dark though. There's never a single light color. I dunno that seems like lying to me. 4/10

Breaking Benjamin: I find no reason to. He's been dead for what, 300 years? 2/10

AJR: Short, concise. Doesn't waste your time. I like it. 8/10

Panic! at the Disco: This man looks like he has never had a panic attack in his life ever. He had the confidence to write a full album about his wife like 8 years before they got married. Does that sound like someone who has panic attacks or goes to the disco? Is disco still alive? 3/10

Halsey: That's just a mishmash of your first and last names. 3/10

Hozier: That's just one of your last names. 3/10

Fall Out Boy:

 

Feel free to send in band names for me to rate. Have a wonderful existence while you can. Eventually, you won't be able to.

Squidward is Bisexual. This is the Hill I Will Die On.

 Earlier this morning, I saw a post where there were a bunch of people arguing about which candidate for the 2020 election different Spongebob characters would vote for. Unsurprisingly, the conclusion they came to was that Bubble Bass and Squilliam Fancison would be the only characters to vote for Lord Dampnut. The part of the post I take issue with is a really, really dumb thing to fixate on, but the reasoning for Squidward voting for the other candidate, you know, that guy, was that he's a gay clarinet player; something that lord dampnut is opposed to. The problem is, Squidward is bisexual, not gay. It doesn't make much difference, but I'm going to make my case anyway.

𝓔𝔁𝓱𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓽 𝓐:

In the episode "Squilliam Returns" (The "fine dining and breathing" episode), Squidward is very clearly intimidated by Squilliam. So much so that he says, "Okay Squidward, just, imagine him in his underwear". Who does that? Who is afraid of one person in particular and says "I'm going to imagine him in his underwear to make him less scary"??????????????

Anyway, Squidward imagines this:

 

And follows with:

 

I think that this is really funny. Other than that, I don't really believe that Squidward would imagine Squilliam like this unless he were already attracted to him to some extent. Squidward, in all of his artist/clarinet player angst, imagines Squilliam as some out of reach, ideal male Octopus, and in other episodes, wishes that he could be like Squilliam, stoking a rivalry. Let's be real: Rivalries are not straight. There will always be a certain amount of homoeroticism present in any same-sex rivalry scenario. That's reality. You have to live with it.

Okay, so we have established that Squidward is attracted to Squilliam, but what about the other direction? That's simple really. In the episode, "Love That Squid" Squidward meets Squilvia in a scenario that looks somewhat like this:

 

The whole episode is about Squidward being nervous about going on a date with Squilvia, whom he is very obviously attracted to. 

Besides the very obvious episodes that demonstrate his bisexuality, he has all of the characteristics of a bisexual: Bitter, overdramatic, constantly tired, "tea with a lemon", over-intense (remember that snow episode?), plays clarinet, ridiculously awkward, goes out of his way to make a point. It's all there.

I rest my case. If you see any of the characteristics of bisexuality and say "Hey, I do that and I'm not bi!" I might have some news for you. That's it. The end. Go away and have gay thoughts at the gym or something.

Something.

 Is being unhinged a job? Is being absolutely silly something that I could make into a career? 

Obviously, the answer is yes. There are plenty of people who start a youtube channel and then immediately get sponsored by nordvpn or raid shadow legends or audible-remember when audible was sponsoring people? Other people thought that was gross, right? Do audio books work for anybody? It feels like it's impossible to retain any meaningful information when I'm listening to the boom rather than absorbing it with my sight orbs.

I understand that for some people it's easier to listen to a book rather than reading it, but how? I get bored so fast that I start dissociating and the story gets turned on its head. I started listening to the first book in the Witcher saga and and it broke me. I'm pretty sure someone died. In the book. Not real life... Maybe in real life? I couldn't hear anything and Minot is a sketchy city.

That's just neurodivergent brain I guess. Apparently my brain does the same kind of thing that ADHD brains do where they have really strange thought processes with no direct pathway. The best example I can think of right now is bad, but bear with me. Someone may be talking about how they had oatmeal for breakfast and I'll be like, "My favorite color for socks is green," with no logical explanation. What's probably happening in my brain is something like this:

Me: "mmm. They had oatmeal for breakfast. I love oatmeal."

Brain: (That's what I thought you'd say you dumb fucking horse)

Me: "Hmm... horses live on farms. Farms are where oatmeal is grown."

Brain: (The farmers probably have to get up early to tend to the oat)

Me: "Explain"

Brain: (Oat farm takes lots of effort. Time is required)

Me: "That makes sense. I wonder what they do to get ready in the morning?"

Brain: (Boot are probably involved)

Me: "They probably need good socks to make sure they don't wear out super fast"

Brain: (What color are sock?)

Me: "I like green."

Or something like that. It's surprising that anything gets done around here. It's of note that my horrible monkey brain does this on top of everything else. I'm literally playing Animal Crossing right now as I'm typing this. I'm also texting five people. All of these things requires my full attention. I'm also listening to music, but that doesn't count because I wasn't following along with the lyrics in my mind. The excessive need for dopamine is strong with this one. That's why impulse purchases happen. Did I need two more decks of cards? No. Did they make me slightly happy for a brief period of time? Absolutely. Are they currently making me happy? Not unless I also get them out to use them, but that would take away from making wishes on stars in Animal Crossing and I have to text Chris, Lilly, and my sister back. I don't have the time.

Sometimes my brain goes in the opposite direction, though, and doesn't want to do anything. On these days I sit on my bed and do something I don't want to do because it's easier than doing something I don't want to do than doing the things I need to do and want to do even less than what I'm doing. It makes me wish I could just stop, but then I would be bored and brain doesn't like that so it makes me do pointless and numb activity. 

And that's my life. A constant tug of war between doing too much and doing too little. I rarely win. My brain wins pretty much every time. It's worse when I'm caffeinated. Then I do things I don't want to do faster with more dissociation. I can usually do stuff that I need to but don't want to if  I'm caffeinated, though. Don't even get me started on sugar. I don't want more sweets because they will make me sick, but thinky machine demands dopamine.  

Why does life gotta be rough?

I didn't edit this because I'm playing Animal Crossing. If you're mad, who cares? Sue me.

I Am So Angry and I Can't Come Up With a Real Title

 So uhhhhh.... College amiright?

No. I am very wrong. If you agreed, reevaluate where you are in life. Nobody needs that kind of energy in their life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If I'm not going to be able to make a living wage, I might as well fail right out of high school instead of going to school for four years and not getting paid enough. One route gets you a shit ton of debt and both lead to not being able to support yourself. But it's your decision. If you just work hard enough, maybe you'll be deemed worthy enough to be alive. I'm practically already dead and I'm in college right now. 

That being said, college is such a scam omfg. Let me explain a bit (although if you're also in college you probably don't need me to.)

I'm currently attending Minot State University. I thought this would be fine. It's pretty cheap and it has decent ranking for academic quality. When I filled out my FAFSA, I got a loan that covered all of my expenses.

Not. We thought it would, but it didn't and it's not my fault. (By we, I mean me and my aunt who works at the college)

Minot State has a policy about freshmen: Unless you sign a waiver that says that you will live with family who are within 50 miles of the campus, you are required to live on campus and enroll in a meal plan. On some level, that makes sense. Requiring that you live on campus and have a meal plan means they can make sure that you have a place to stay and food to eat. The issue is, they aren't upfront about the charges.

Now obviously, they state how much everything costs. Here's the problem: I accepted my student aid in July. My loan from my FAFSA plus a scholarship was enough to cover all of my costs. But they didn't add the housing and meal plan charge until the middle of August. 

If you're not sure why that's a problem, let me explain. I received $8000 for tuition and fees and accepted it. It covered all of my tuition and class fees. I found out the day that tuition was due that I did not have enough to cover housing and meals and had to come up with $3000. If they require freshmen to live on campus, why in the hell did they not add the $3000 all the way back in July when they told me what everything would cost. What the fuck.

After talking to my aunt to figure out how the hell I was going to come up with $3000 in 10 hours, we talked about the situation a bit. She told me that a coworker said, "Freshmen get fucked."

No fucking kidding. When I talked to my sister about how it felt scummy to wait so long to add the charge to my account, she made me realize why it felt so scummy.Your FAFSA is supposed to cover as much of your schooling costs as possible. If they don't add the $3000 dollars right away, the government doesn't have that $3000 recorded as needed from the FAFSA. That pretty much forces you to either get a private loan, or deal with the cost out of pocket.

Even though the university says that they don't receive compensation of any kind from private loans, I honestly can't think of any other reason that they would deal with the costs like that. If I had known about this, I probably wouldn't have even enrolled. I got completely fucked over, and now I have an extra loan that I didn't want.

I'm beyond frustrated with this whole situation. I love learning and I like all of the people that I have met and worked with on campus, but don't go here, especially if you're a freshman. I doubt that anyone who reads this will have been considering going here, but seriously. 

If you have anything to say about this situation or about college in general, feel free to reach out to me. I certainly will not side with any college if you need to rant or whatever. 

Have a day. You can decide if it will be good or bad.

A Horrible and Cursed Idea

 I have a few important things to say before we get started.

Firstly, I'm very, very sorry for this particular blog post. I don't know about you, but this is not the content that I had in mind when I decided I wanted to hold onto this blog.

Secondly, here's a disclaimer. This post is going to discuss furries and the economy. I know that the economy is horrible and terrifying, but you'll survive. Also I'm not a furry and I know I like to tease people about being furries, but I don't actually have any more of an issue with furries than I do with people who engage in literally any other hobby. You wouldn't point at people who are into anime and tell your friends that they're gross for liking Naruto (Unless you're the worst kind of person). Nobody goes around and makes fun gaming communities for cosplay. It's not a big deal. Shut up.

You have no obligation to share this particular post with anybody and I won't ask you to share this post, but if you enjoy my blog posts, please share them with people you care about. If you have any friends who are furries, feel free to share this with them as a way to say, "I now know why you are the way you are!" Everybody is looking for reasons why they are the way they are. This may help.

And so it begins.

I was in the car with my older siblings when I noticed a building that was used as an office for a law firm. The sign on the building had the name of the firm and the mascot; an anthropomorphic squirrel wearing a kilt. When I saw this, a thought occurred to me that probably nobody was expecting: What if furries are an inevitability of capitalist society? 

I will be the first to admit that this is a weird thing to think after seeing a sign for a law firm. We aren't even going to get into the strange ADHD-esque logic pathways that connected these particular dots, but the point is, this particular sign led to thinking about whether there are patterns in the way anthropomorphisation is used in the world of business and whether these patterns have a noticeable impact on people who see them.

Quick detour. If you're not aware of what a furry is, welcome to the internet! I'm going to be taking this particular innocence away from you. Furries are people who have a particular interest in anthropomorphic animals. Furries generally seem to regard their community as a fandom the way that any other group centered around a particular medium does. Furries have animal personas, conventions, costumes of their persona, and any other fandom accoutrements that you can imagine. It is a little weird, but no judgement here.

My first question when exploring this was, "How does the world of marketing influence the public, and on a smaller scale, individuals?" We are constantly bombarded by marketing tactics and varying advertisements for everything from the new brand of bread to gadgets that you've never seen before and never needed. The obvious goal behind them is to convince you to buy something.The relevant strategy that comes for this topic is anthropomorphisation. There are a ton of studies about this particular topic. One study by Dwinita Laksmidewi et al says that, "researchers found that presenting products with human-like physical features led to consumers' positive response."1.   This is because assigning human traits to non-human things, like animals or inanimate objects, allows us to relate to things that we normally wouldn't assign human traits to.2.

 You have definitely seen these anthropomorphic mascots before. They're on cereal boxes, in sports teams, they're part of things you haven't even heard of. Some very popular media makes use of non-human characters. Children's literature has given any kind of animal you can feasibly think of human characteristics. It makes sense that there are people internalize this and make their own characters. If all of the examples before weren't enough, this random and kind of strange website makes the point that some of the most popular cartoon characters are furries. This is enough of a phenomenon that there is an entire website dedicated to research on furries that has resources for anybody who wants to learn the who, what, and why on furries. 

I know a lot of people don't see Tony the Tiger and think, "I wanna be that," but those who get involved with the furry community may have faced external factors that influenced them. New research has shown that advertisements can change the way that people feel and think about themselves. More specifically, the study states, "behaviorally targeted ads lead consumers to make adjustments to their self-perceptions to match the implied label.3.  Based on that, people most likely don't see mascots like the fucking cheeto's cheetah and think, "I want to be that," the unconscious process is probably closer to, "I want to be like that." 

So we have come full circle. A big combination of marketing strategies has likely led individuals to being a furry. I don't have the schooling or credibility to make a conclusion about whether or not furries are inevitable, but based on all of that, it certainly seems like it could be the case. I don't have the time or the patience (or the willpower for that matter) to continue researching for this, but feel free to do your own research on it. If the history of marketing tactics was different than it is, maybe there would be fewer furries, but furry mascots have been a thing since the industrial revolution. As long as there is a company trying to sell something, there will most likely be some genius on a marketing team somewhere who says, "Look at this! Empathy is triggered by this talking lion! Let's exploit that!"

 

This post took way too long. Anyway, I hope that you don't want to yeet yourself into the void too violently.

Thank you for reading. Love you.

Welcome Back!

 I know that this blog has been silent for a few months now. Boy is that about to change.

Thank you for clicking the link on twitter and reading my weird ravings on whatever happens to be trapped in my mind on any particular day. I appreciate you very much for continuing to read whatever these posts are supposed to be. If you are not here from twitter, I'm sorry. There's no way out. I now occupy a specific amount of space in your mind that is dependent upon how much you enjoyed reading my words. You will never get this space back. Know that I am there partying and generally making a fool of myself within your brain cells.

I just wanted to post an update about things. I am working on posts except when I am not working on posts. Specifically, I was not working on posts throughout June and July, but have been working on them since the middle of August. In particular, one post I'm working on is taking a long time to put together and it's quite a ride. Thank you for your patience. I hope that when my new post occupies your brain space you feel enriched and slightly further away from the ever-encroaching presence of the void. If you feel the need to hurl yourself into the gaping maw of the abyss upon seeing it, that's your prerogative. Just know that it will be here soon, so ready yourself.

Some quick updates about the things I have been interested in or activities I have partaken of while not in my daily resting coma:

1. Started college. Don't recommend.

2. Played 40 something hours of the Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles remake. Sweet nostalgia. I can't believe Square Enix butchered multiplayer :/ Fix my childhood Square Enix.

3. Read the first book in "The Witcher" series. I do not have an opinion yet. I'm still not 100% sure what is going on in this strange world, but I'm ready to find out.

4. Mother Mother? You've heard of them right? It's the band that's ruining my life at the moment. Here's a song I'm stuck on. Feel free to commiserate. 

5. Hozier. Always. Forever. What does that man know that we do not?

Dreamlife

  Please try to relate to this for a second. You are a mammoth pepper plant. The weather calls for freezing rain, and you are not hardy against the cold. It gets too cold. You freeze to death, slowly and agonizingly. Good you're still here. Trust me this is relevant. I have been having a numerous dreams that seem like events from past lives. Obviously they aren't really past lives, but they are very interesting little plot driven sleep hallucinations. Here's a couple of the ones that I remember.

1. House robbery:
   It started with being at school. For some reason, my mom called me out and brought me home and just left me there alone. She had a dentist's appointment or something. Also for some reason she beamed me the image of a clock. Beamed meaning sent me mental images of a specific clock.
This one. This was the clock.
 Anyway, after sitting on our couch for what was probably 45 minutes in dream time, I had the strangest thought that I should lock the doors because my parents never lock them when they leave (dream logic makes no sense). I wonder what kind of havoc having that thought in the dream could cause (All of it. All of the havoc). When I thought that and started to move towards the back door to lock it, the doorknob started rattling and in came some Mike Meyers bullshit. The guy that walked in held me at gunpoint and had me point out places where various valuables were spread about the house. It would have worked just fine if this guy wasn't an idiot. He tied me up (badly. Really badly. I was holding the end of the rope and making it seem like it was actually tied together) and asked me where he would find jewelry. I told him and this bozo left his gun on the couch exactly 0 feet from where I was "tied up". He left to find the jewelry and I was left to untie myself and grab his gun. Now I'm not a violent person but I would be difficult to rob because I will not hesitate to shoot a bitch (apparently). He came back out and got a faceful of lead... that didn't do anything. He then pulled out a second gun (how creative sleep brain) and I wrestled that one off of him too before I ran out and called the cops. He followed me into the neighbors house and my neighbor had to shoot him before he stopped moving finally. He wasn't dead. He came back two more times. The second time with napalm, the third with even more guns. The worst part of this was that he wasn't even actually stealing anything valuable. He held me at gunpoint for valuables and didn't take any of them. That jewelry he wanted? Yeah that thing also has fake jewelry in real life and he stole all of the fake stuff and didn't touch any of the real stuff. It was unreal. He died two more times before I woke up.

2. Mob whatever it was:
  This one was a doozy (and was also last night). There was some situation in the dream where I ended up following this mob boss guy around for some reason and doing what he said to do with another guy. He wasn't really a mob boss though? We ran through a bunch of different places, basically living on the road, doing various things for good that were also crimes. This includes robbing mafia fronts, breaking up gangs, and killing pedophiles. After a particularly rough night of doing crimes for the good of humanity, I was the only one who didn't "look like shit" according to the leader guy, so I was needed to refuel our little trailer thing that we lived in. Slight issue with that, we were ambushed by a gang that was not very happy with us, so I had to stop the thing from rolling into traffic after the gang cut the brakes, as well as rescue the leader guy from the trailer after they set it on fire. Fun. He was unconscious and me and the other guy were trying to run away while carrying him before we were cornered by the gang. They just said that they wanted the leader, and we refused to give him up. After a while, they said they would poison us (?) if we didn't hand him over, so the other guy said something along the lines of, "He wouldn't want us to die. Let's do it for him." So we handed him over and left the building we were cornered in, and they gunned us down.
  All of that craziness aside (with little of the actual content of the dream. it was pretty graphic and included running people over), I wish my drawing skills were up to par because right before the gang ambushed us, I looked up into the mirror of the visor thing of the car I was driving and saw what I looked like. It was super surreal.

Maybe It's Time for Something New

 The garden is once again starting to grow. The sun has made its first appearance for the first time in weeks and I cannot find a single reason to be outside because of the wind. That's a fantastic little fail on nature's part. I like gardening but right now nothing is actually growing quite yet. We planted seeds a few days ago but it isn't really like you can do much with them. They're analogous to babies, if your baby could randomly split itself in half if it wanted a sibling after it were born. Now that you have this wonderful image in your mind, here are some of the fantastic activities that we have been able to partake in in the realm of gardening in the past week:

•    Planting seeds : self-explanatory
•    Planting dirt : just like planting seeds but much dirtier somehow
•    Un-planting weeds : planting things in reverse. You get it. Don't act like you don't.

Now normally these things would be quite fun and are usually quite rewarding when you get down to it, but when nothing is past its baby stage, all you can really do is stare at the dirt you planted and will something to happen. It's just like watching grass grow except it's not grass and it's much more pleasing to look at once it's finished growing. Pulling weeds is an even smaller story because with weeds you can watch them grow, but they're much easier to uproot or stab to death because they aren't particularly big right now. It reminds me of a certain Roman senator, albeit, with much more pulling.
  Weeding isn't particularly interesting when you can't have a battle to the death with a horrifying network of double-agents. Right now weeding is more like micromanaging a bunch of stationary toddlers. I would film it, but nobody would be particularly interested in watching some rando not talk while they search a 5x5 foot raised bed for the most minuscule hint of life to demolish. It's difficult to imagine that any of this will change anytime soon, so maybe it's time to find some new hobbies, and try some new things out. Hopefully you will enjoy this little journey.

New hobby #1: Foraging.
  Imagine gardening, but even more futile. It's still way too early for this one, so all I've found so far is seedlings and heaps of disappointment. Also lots of research, but we won't get into that because it wouldn't be super interesting to read unless you're a special kind of nerd.

New hobby #2: Reading
  This isn't really very new, but if you haven't had all will to read in your free time forcefully separated from your being by having classes of any kind, you probably won't get it. I started reading a bunch of books a while ago but that kind of fell off as school continued onward, so starting some of them again has been quite fun, especially during this quarantine. I'm currently working my way through King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo. It's essentially a story where a found family has to murder the spirit of a demon that is possessing the king of a nation that is constantly at war for various reasons. Bardugo is a fantastic author, and you should check out some of her other stuff as well.

New hobby #3: Making art?
  Sure, why not.

Enjoy this random drawing of Pidge from Voltron.












New hobby #4: scrapbooking...?
   This is literally the most boring thing I have ever done

New hobby #5: Going through random files on my phone
  I have a pdf called "Mean Sidewalks"

Let's see what this is...

 I have no idea what this is supposed to be.
Where did it come from??????


 Well none of that was super great. Hopefully you're all having more success at entertaining yourselves than I am.

Road Safety PSA

 I am a normal average everyday human being. I wake up in the morning, I drive to various locations, I consume the molecules that contain chemical energy that is useful for my metabolism. I use my turn signal like any other normal person. That's right. Using a turn signal is normal. If you do not, you are the weird one. I don't make the rules. If this is the first time you are hearing the rules you shouldn't be driving. You are a danger to other people on the road, but I digress. I find that many people are unaware of the many different kinds of drivers that are out there and it is important that we are knowledgeable when it comes to drivers.
     When I am driving to various locations (usually places in Wichita) I encounter various species of drivers. The most common is the road-rage grandmother or RRG's for short. My interactions with them in the wild usually go as follows: RRG appears in my rear-view mirror; RRG drives 5 feet behind me for at least 10 minutes to assert dominance; RRG veers off of the highway. Fortunately, these drivers are not usually overtly aggressive and are quite gentle if you interact with them in a controlled environment. I also very commonly see a species that I refer to simply as Mr. Man. A Mr. Man will aggressively swerve in their lane and become visibly agitated when you are going the speed limit. This species has abandoned all sense of self-preservation and is often seen going at least 10 miles above a normal or safe driving speed. If you encounter this species in the wild, I suggest that you drive slowly and attempt to let them pass you as quickly as possible for your safety. Mr Man does happen to have a counterpart that we will simply refer to as Edith. An Edith is a very docile mix between a RRG and a Mr. Man. They are usually spotted going 45 miles per hour. In fact, 45 miles per hour seems to be the only speed they can go and no Edith has ever been spotted going any other speed. This species is quite a pleasant mixture of tame and not realizing that road regulations are there for safety purposes. If you encounter an Edith on your driving adventures, you should just go around them.
   The only species of driver that you should really worry about is the Methhead. Methheads are particularly dangerous, moving at an average speed of 65 miles per hour. Unlike other drivers, this species does not move with a vehicle, making them particularly dangerous to pedestrians and people with artificial cars (The distinction of artificial car is made here as drivers usually have natural cars that grow with them from birth). You will be able to differentiate them from the harmless pedestrian by their eyes. Methheads have a bright green eyeshine. If you see a Methhead, do not attempt to drive away. Methheads are extremely aggressive, and extremely agile and will catch you if you are not careful. If you encounter one, it is best to drive by as slowly as possible while avoiding eye contact. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you attempt to use cruise control while a Methhead is nearby. Cruise control is a natural indicator to the Methhead that there is food nearby. Using cruise control makes you a target. AVOID METHHEADS AT ALL COSTS.
     For the safety of the public in these trying times, it is extremely important that everyone educate themselves on this very important topic. It is important that you know not to fear a Road-Rage Grandmother if you see one. It is important that you DO fear a Methhead if you are unfortunate enough to encounter one in the wild. If you are smart, you will be able to avoid the extremely dangerous Methhead. If you do encounter and/or are bitten by a Methhead, it is important that you seek medical care immediately. While there is no antidote for their extremely toxic venom, supportive care is enough to get many people through the worst of the agonizing burning sensations and the crippling feeling of dread. If you believe a loved one has been bitten by a Methhead and is attempting to hide it or treat it themselves, you should SWAT them. Feelings of dread caused by Methhead venom have caused people to do very strange and very dangerous things. My cousin Jeremy tried to treat a Methhead bite at home and he ventured to the Parisian catacombs convinced that there was a being he referred to as "The One of Night" in the deepest depths of the catacombs themselves. Of course this is a ridiculous fantasy and after being apprehended by border control and given proper treatment, he made a full recovery. Fortunately, everybody in law enforcement and other kinds of enforcement were very understanding. Many of the individuals who work these kind of jobs undergo Methhead envenomation as standard training protocol, so they know what it's like. There really is no reason to have fear. Together, we can overcome the dangerous world we live in.

Moth Problems Require Moth Solutions

This blog has had a horrible lack of humor for many weeks so I present to you this essay I wrote about something really dumb that continues to plague me: horrible and tiny moths. Enjoy.

This will be the only written confession I ever make.

I… have a moth problem.

Blame is a very easy to place upon others, so I will be the one to shoulder the weight of it this time. To clarify, the moth problem is not a matter of who facilitated the issue. Rather it is a problem of who is to blame for the beginning of it. Particularly, blame for the person who did not close the front door of our adorable mobile home; A place that, coincidentally, overlooks the favorite gathering place of many insects in the tri-state area.

To make a very short story even shorter, a moth came in through said front door, and immediately decided to lay eggs somewhere in my bedroom, of all places to give birth. In this matter, I would go as far as to say that this moth was a particularly bad mother. What kind of parent randomly enters the home of a perfectly happy family to drop fifteen children on an unsuspecting teenager? What kind of parent, on top of dropping their children on a complete stranger, would think that promptly dying in a bathroom sink is any way to act in front of their newborn children?

As you probably suspect, I  am the unsuspecting teenager in this story. There I was; Gently cradling the body of a dead moth-er as her children started to find their way out of their egg casings and into the wide world. They did not seem to need anything, but they were quite a nuisance, so I did my best to kill  as many of them as possible (because I am a fantastic surrogate parent). Doing so, however, was quite the Herculean task. In size, these particular bugs were only about four centimeters across, and when it comes to timely insect execution, clapping them out of the air seemed as if it would be quite effective.

Unfortunately, this is when the children had scattered to their hiding places. My refusal to be thwarted brought me to kill them when they presented themselves, but physics, my old nemesis, decided to rear It’s ugly head. No matter the force of my clapping, the air wave created by my hands would sweep the moth children out of harms way. After many days, and many, many claps, the children of moth continued to elude me. This is when I realized that I had a new problem. For every moth that happened to be successfully killed, there were at least two more to take It’s place.

Considering that all of the moths were descended from the same mother, this had troubling implications. 

This particular turn of events meant that the children of moth were unstoppable.

As clapping had not yet resolved the issue, I came up with the idea that moth problems need moth solutions. From a chemistry perspective, this mindset very well could have been disastrous for past me. Ever pedantic past me could have applied their many talents to mix water with successfully-clapped moth remains for a real moth solution. When applied to my bedroom, this solution would have provided multiple walls, a desk, many books, and a piano among other things with tantalizing moth water. In other words, this would not be a solution at all (though I did consider it. Who can say what truly goes through my mind in these moments). In hindsight, I am quite pleased that I discovered that air, not water, was the proper solution.

    And thus, the vacuum cleaner was invented. The look of surprise on the face of an insect is not a sight that will ever be seen by a human being, but I imagined it as I stood in my bedroom doorway with the vacuum. Many moths continued with their important daily affairs, such as flying aimlessly around the room, when I plugged in my weapon of mass destruction and removed the hose attachment from the body of the unit. Moths were invaders upon my domain, and I was the violent hand of justice.

    The process of removing this awful and formidable enemy was not particularly exciting. I think now, though, that if I saw God brandishing a hoover and sucking jets out of the sky, I would have thought much differently. I might have even enjoyed the process that much more. As the bible says we are trespassers in God’s territory, they were all trespassers in my territory, and I give no floods as a warning.

    I spent much of the afternoon sucking the little bastards out of the (impeccably decorated) landscape. Despite my best effort, some of the children of moth escaped their rightful retribution. It is all too likely that they have found a secret place; a sanctuary that is hidden from my sight. The threat of death does not keep all of them hidden, however. On some days, a single moth is foolish enough to show themselves. Moth legends says that on these days, these brave creatures are struck down by a single giant. One who shows no remorse for their crimes against moth-kind. At least that is what they would say if moths could have legends. 

Miscellaneous Stanzas Only Usable as Conversation Starters

THis is certainly a blog post.
All of the stanzas listed here are awful
but on purpose
you might find them funny
enjoy



To fill space, enjoy a sucrose space fill model




Physics is disgusting
Go to the crine sceme
Eat the physics
There is no mystery
Only science

Someone once told me
Diamonds are carbon
Made boring
Jewelry is just a form of broken glass
Otherwise known as
A tasty snack

If the Earth compresses minerals
And the dirt brings vegetables
????????????????
Is the Earth compressing vegetables
Or the minerals forming turnips
Spontaneously

Roses are the only wild salad
Tell your friends
And watch for the thorns
Only the best salad has thorns
Enjoy veganism

Do you ever think of coffee shops
Filled with water and coffee joining together
Look through the window and say
"I'm thinking about those beans"

Sing to the tune of old MacDonald had a farm
"I'm so sick that sunlight hurts
I am gods mistake"
And convince the world
You are accomplished

Do not make promises to water bottles
Instead fill them with water
That's their purpose
You need to stop talking to inanimate objects

What is Wal-mart
But the powerhouse of the cell?
Without Rihanna,
It is nothing
Mitochond-Rihanna

Oh to be a ghost
to scream the word, "boo"
and pretend it is frightening
What is the purpose of death
if not to haunt the ones you love
as a vicious payback
for not dying before you

You should burn your kitchen table
not for the reason you expect
but because of math analogies
table squared equals kitchen sink
somehow

An Explanation for Cats

Is there a particular reason for cats being like that?
We have a small cat. Her name is bug and she's the smallest cat I have ever seen and she is absolutely adorable

Look at this little jerk she knows she's cute.
Anyway.
This cat doesn't really like it when you pet her. What she does like is having a lap to sit on. In the mornings when no one is awake/in the main living area, she likes to yell until someone comes out of their room to pay attention to her. I mentioned that she likes to yell (and she screams her little lungs out) but she also likes to tear up the carpet by your bedroom door because she realllllllly needs you to pay attention to her and if you don't she decides to eat the carpet. Why does she do this?

This is my sisters cat. His name is Henry. Henry spends the night in their living room because he likes to scratch things in their bedroom. Around 5 o'clock every morning, Henry likes to sit outside of their bedroom door and scream because he wants into the room because nobody is in the living room and its food time. After he gets fed, if you have cereal, he decides that you need to share and will be in your face until the cereal is gone or until you set the bowl down. When you inevitably set the bowl on the table, he takes it upon himself to defeat this mighty foe by pushing it off the table. His favorite toy is plastic straws. Why?

I'm just going to stop with those two. They manage to do dumb things and not get in trouble and they're not even the smart cats. Henry is probably the dumbest cat I've ever seen, and bug is not much higher on the intelligence scale.
For starters, Henry doesn't just knock cereal bowls off of the table. He knocks everything off of the table. He tries to open drawers so that he can empty it's contents onto the floor and looks very confused when you are inevitably upset by this.
Bug doesn't like getting in trouble. She is also very impressionable. We have another cat named Romeo and he gets on the counters to drink water from the sink. We're not sure why but that's not the point.
Bug sees him get onto the counters and doesn't seem to realize why he does this. She decides that she needs to investigate as well, so she jumps onto the counter and moves directly past the sink to look out the window. She just completely misses the point. If you don't know, we have essentially a whole wall that is a window. Why she can't just look out that window escapes everyone.

The big question is why do they do these things? You may think its because they're both extremely dumb. This is an incorrect assumption. They both realize the consequences of doing the things they do, but they do them anyway. What do they see that we don't? Where is the joy in emptying a whole drawer onto the kitchen floor? Where is the appeal in sitting in a kitchen sink to look out a window?
It has become very obvious to me that the most essential part of being a cat is just absolutely going apes***
Scream at 3 in the morning if it suits you
Pull out a drawer and just throw its contents everywhere
Find a plastic straw and chase it around the house because why not?
Stand on your kitchen sink and completely ignore all of the other completely functional windows that are part of your house
Or maybe don't do those things. It depends on how much fear seeming crazy causes you. Also please remember that if you throw things everywhere you have to clean them up. I know I'm encouraging this but I'm not cleaning it up. Just have fun. That is the real reason that cats do things like push things off of surfaces. Because its fun. Do something completely harmless and dumb but have fun doing it.

Blog Post of the Vsauce Variety

A while ago I made a really weird vsauce script (the word "script" is used tentatively because the formatting is wrong please don't be angry) and this script is just... Something. Its not something written seriously, but being human entails that you create dumb things purely for fun. If you so choose to read it, it will be below because who doesn't enjoy having their eyeballs scalded for the sake of SCIENCE!

Int. Plain and barren room. The camera is zoomed in against a white wall

A man who is not Michael rises from the floor

Not Michael: “hey, Vsauce. Michael here…”

There is a pause as Not Michael arches an eyebrow

Not Michael: “or is it? Where are we? And where is Michael?”

A door opens and closes in the background

Not Michael: “To answer the last question, we first have to ask a couple of questions.”

Not Michael lifts his hand. He is holding a ‘question’

Not Michael: “Questions like 'where was Michael last seen?’ or”

Another pause as Not Michael stares questioningly at the camera

Not Michael: “'does Michael even exist?’”

Another Not Michael walks into frame from the right side. He is holding a 'not question’. There is an unzipping noise and the original not Michael removes their skin costume to reveal Michael. Michael removes 'gun’ from his mouth and shoots Not Michael. 

Michael: “SCIENCE.”

The 'not question’ raises out of Not Michael's hand and engulfs the screen. Michael's call for science has been heard. Science will arrive soon to assimilate all things. There is no escape.

Take that as you will. It's probably not as funny as I thought it was at the time, but, again, it's something. I actually want more things like this in my life so if you were inspired© by the vsauce "script" and decide to make something similar please send it to me. It doesn't have to be "good". What is "good" is purely subjective, and if its any indicator of my particular taste, I thought the movie "Dr. Bean" was good. Maybe its just because Rowan Atkinson as well as the fact that you can tell that he is living his best life when he's playing characters like that. He just has the best time. I want to be like that.

It also doesn't really matter. Everything you do is simultaneously good and bad and you don't get to choose why or how or when but being a person is difficult enough without having to worry about it. Just make stuff.

Koko, the sign language speaking gorilla, upon being asked where gorillas go when they die, she signed, of all things, "Comfortable hole. Bye." She has truly blessed us with her infinite wisdom.

On this note, I bid you goodnight. What is a bed but a comfortable rectangle. Comfortable rectangle. Bye.

What a Wonderful Bad

Wow a blog post! It's been so long.
If you aren't into people being sad, you shouldn't read this. I don't blame you (yet). If you're into feeling emotions(tm), then boy is this the post!
Just a slight disclaimer: I will not he held responsible for any emotion you feel because of this post. I know I'm the one who wrote it, but you're the one who decided to read it. That's basically like signing a contract, trust me on this one I know some stuff about law (sometimes)

Well here we are. Do you feel an emotion yet? That's my patented emotion that we call apprehension. Or possibly irritation. Why? Because I'm not getting to the point. That's because you need some time to decide whether or not you want to turn back. You're welcome.

Things have been kind of not good. We're currently in a short respite from an ongoing problem that feels like it's tearing the very walls apart; ripping the stones from our houses foundation. It's very possible that the foundation is gone already. That's the really scary part. If we leave it behind there will be nothing left for those left in the aftermath.
I don't know what to do. I'm so tired because I've spent so long trying to take responsibility for things that it feels like my life is being replaced by the sense that I need to fix things somehow, even if it's scary or difficult, even if I have to choke down my discomfort to pretend that something will change. It's exhausting to not be able to be angry because I've never been allowed to be. What's worse is that the anger always resurfaces as resentment, only to be buried again in the hope that it will become acceptance. The resentment only ever returns as a guilt for not being able to do anything, and the cycle continues.
And it never really ends. If I try to remove myself, I meet things with defensiveness and a paralyzing need for privacy. I try to reach out to others, and am met with silence more often than a response. At this point I'm not sure if I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, or if I've given up trying to interact in the first place. There's always the uncertainty of "maybe I'm bothering them," or "they're angry at me," and it's the guilt again, and then more disengagement. I even have nightmares about people being upset with me. It feels like there's nothing outside of the windows of this house sometimes, and maybe that's because the curtains are shut to make everyone think that nobody is home. It's no way to live. And I wish it would end so my life could take place instead.

I'm Either Haunted or Delusional

So this may or may not have been sleep paralysis, but there was a night this last week where it was very dark in my house. This phenomenon is known as night time. It turns out night and day are mutually exclusive in relation to each other (Isn't science amazing!).

On this particular night, I was watching YouTube, as you do when its 11:30 and you should be asleep, and it got really weirdly dark in my room. I have no idea if the amount of light decreased, but it felt darker. I know you don't know what I mean, but there's a salt lamp in the room that's always on and it was like those stupid movies where they make a salt line to "keep out the evil spirits" or something and the demons get past the salt line because it's literally just a rock except it was an LED that changes colors. If that makes any semblance of sense.

It's also important to note that the darkening was only one event out of multiple that happened simultaneously. The increased perception of darkness was part 1 of 3. Part 2 was the feeling that something was sitting on the corner of the bed. If you don't think that's messed up, you obviously don't have a mattress and should consider getting one. If that does sound messed up, congratulations! You know what its like for your mattress to give slightly when pressure is applied to it's surface! The worst thing about this experience was feeling the corner of the mattress move. The second worst thing was that the bed is my space. Nobody touches it but me. So obviously this ghost/delusion felt entitled to be within my space.

The third part of this was a feeling more than anything. It felt like something just kind of walked into my room and was standing in the doorway. The first problem: I keep the door shut. Bug can squeeze under the door if she's feeling particularly spunky, but we put the pets into kennels at night. The point is there is no way for someone to just walk into the room with the door shut. The second problem is that this feeling of something walking into the room also brought a visceral sort of fear with it. Now don't be mistaken, I am all for visceral fear on a weeknight. Its just not cool when its midnight and you're trying to pretend you're winding down to go to sleep by watching cooking videos on YouTube. The third problem was that this stupid thing lasted for the better part of half an hour. What the heck. You're telling me something is going to come into my room at midnight to stare at me for half an hour and then just leave? I mean, good riddance, but what's the point? Are you going to dark me to death? Are you going to lick the salt lamp? What are you going to do, touch a dress shoe? Play a little tune on the piano? Pretend you're good at art? There's just no good way to justify it. Like "oh yeah! Speaking of how our days were yesterday, mine was pretty good! I watched a random teenager watch bon apetit on YouTube after astral projecting into his bedroom at midnight."

So really this house is haunted by something that's extremely rude, or I'm delusional. This does not rule out the possibility that both things are true. Unlike night and day, these things are not mutually exclusive. You can give some feedback on this if you want but I'm not going to go as far as to encourage it.
Sweet dreams. Try really hard not to be haunted.

We Will Never Escape Geometry

Have you ever wanted to fight Euclid? Is that something you've ever felt the need to do? What if I told you he lived in the year 300 B.C. and all of the information we use about shapes are his fault? Think about it. This guy was so good at knowing what a line was that we still use almost all of his theorems and proofs. The worst thing is actually stuff that Euclid didn't do.

Geometry is split into two categories. Stuff that Euclid did, and stuff that Euclid didn't do. Euclid did all of the basic shape stuff, so people pretty much made up other categories of math to figure out. Why the helc would you make stuff up just to figure it out?!

Anyway what defines what is and is not Euclidean is how the math interpretation defines a line. The geometry we do defines a line as a line, but other types of geometry define lines as all kinds of weird things. It's basically a game of find a geometry type and guess what a line is.

Sometimes a straight line is actually a parabola within a circular plane apparently.
Sometimes a straight line is just a circle for some reason.
Sometimes a straight line is just a single point in a 3 dimensional plane or something I dunno.
At some point, someone is just going to point at a shape like a triangle and say, "That's a line," and other math people are going to say, "I see that. How does it work?" And they'll spend like 200 years trying to figure it out even though it effectively has no application but we know it exists so it must be important. It's like looking at your calculator and saying, "In what dimension does this look like my grandmother," and astral projecting to find out.

Thus Euclid has doomed us to forever figure out how he's wrong. He was so good and so very correct at math that people just can't deal with it so they try to disprove it. That's like the exact opposite of the attitude towards Freud (Who was so bad at psychology, and so, sooo wrong, that most of our psychological breakthroughs come from people trying to disprove his theories. Seriously some of them are really weird that guy had a serious problem. Like the Oedipus complex thing. Why? Who told you that that was something you should ever say? Was this from personal experience? Was he just so disconnected from his own humanity that he thought it was normal??? WHAT THE FUUu.) Please don't punch Euclid. Also try out this non-Euclidean geometry simulation thing and punch it's creator.

I Might Like Books too Much

If you want to know the effect that technology has on your mind when your tired, one time when it was like ten at night, I started having a panic attack because I thought my book was going to run out of battery. It was wild. I couldn't stop freaking out after I realized this though and that's a huge problem. Maybe it's the nature of books as a whole, relying on our imaginations to create a story out of otherwise meaningless information, or maybe it's just the fact that you shouldn't be reading the Illiad at 12:30 on a Tuesday night. You really shouldn't read the Illiad under these conditions. Your 3rd eye will open and you will access a pocket dimension in which bacteria are human sized and spray chemical on surfaces to kill humans so that they don't get an infection. In other words: It's like being indigenous in the 1800's and the chemical you spray to not get infected is arrows/bullets in the direction of the pilgrims so that you don't get weird white people diseases that will ultimately kill you.

Speaking of bacteria: THIS IS YOUR WARNING. This post contains mildly disturbing information about disinfectants and bacteria that may or may not ruin your life. 

Now that that's out of the way, a lot of things like hand sanitizer, don't actually kill 99.9999999 percent of bacteria. They do and they don't. What most people take that to mean is that things kill most of all kinds of bacteria, but the reality is that they only kill a few specific kinds of bacteria. The same thing with rubbing alcohol. Some bacteria have adaptations that allow them to live in such environments. HOWEVER there are a couple of good things, the first being that disinfectants do kill like 99% of their target bacteria. The second is that most of the stuff that is not killed by things like alcohol are harmless. Things like yeast can survive in alcohol. Although alcohol is a specific thing. Things like hand sanitizer only kill some stuff like salmonella for example. Really what I'm saying is you should either use bleach or ethanol to kill things you can't see. Or just wash your hands you heathens. Seriously.

This is not to be confused with things like surfactants. Lysol, for example, is a surfactant. Aside from being a good substitute for caring about things you clean with it, it creates an environment that is difficult to live in. Imagine if someone collected things that smelled like your grandmother's dog, and only your grandmother's dog. You would not want to live with that person. It really just does the same thing with bacteria.

"BuT WhAt DoEs ThIs HaVe To Do WiTh BoOkS?????????" HOLD ON I'M GETTING THERE.  Do you own books? If you answered yes, you may have an issue with your life. If you answered no, you may have an issue with your life. Don't worry, these are different issues.
If you said yes, you probably don't have anything to worry about. But if you get used books you should wrap them in a towel and THROW them into the freezer. You don't know how nasty the person who owned it before you was. If you're paranoid about getting contagious skin diseases, or about getting lice or bed bugs, this is a good thing for you. It's weird, but leaving them in your freezer for a couple hours kills things.

If you said you don't own books, the above portion doesn't apply to you. It also means you don't read. You should evaluate why you don't. Is it because you were forced to read books you didn't enjoy? Is it because you haven't found the author you like yet? Is it because you don't like words? Don't worry, you'll find your book eventually. However if the reason you don't read is because you don't like words, I hope you contract cats. You are in league with the people who don't like chocolate.

This Is the Sentence That Always Ends.

One day, I wrote a sentence that was just very strange at the base of the word. So today I have decided that I am going to look for the strangest combination of words in existence. So we're going to start simply: "The octopus decided to wear jeans today." Okay. Nothing too crazy. You may not understand and octopus' desire or ability to wear jeans, but it makes sense on a purely lingual level. Now let's change it up a little bit: "The octopus decided to become jeans today." That's a pretty dramatically different sentence. A subtle change of a single word made the sentence slightly more ridiculous. How exactly does an octopus go about becoming jeans? But let's go more subtle: "The octopus decided to become genes today." Okay, now there's a homonym taking the place of the word jeans. Obviously the octopus itself cannot become genes, but that's not important. Now how about we make this sentence absolutely wild. "Genes decided to become an octopus today."

We very quickly went from an octopus deciding to put on a pair of jeans to start the day, to genetic information creating an octopus. It went from a cephalapod wearing textile, to evolution. But how can we segue more sentences into odd things? Lets look at a common sentence in the English language: "I had no idea." You know what this sentence means. Now lets make it different. "I had idea." That sentence seems kind of odd to say, although it isn't grammatically incorrect. Let's change it some more. "I am Idea." That one doesn't make much sense to say, besides the fact that it sounds rather Russian. Now we'll add to it. "I am an idea." Now you yourself are not an idea. People aren't ideas, that much is obvious. Now lets make it different. "I am an idea maker." This sentence is very true, even though you may not think of it like that.

Now why don't we really make it strange. Let's add the octopus sentence after the idea maker one. "I am an idea maker. The octopus decided to wear jeans today." Now let's scramble that around. "I am an octopus. The idea maker decided to wear jeans today." Now the octopus is telling a story about an idea maker. That's pretty neat considering that Octopuses can't actually speak human language. Now let's figuratively slam it against a wall. "I am an octopus idea maker, who decided to wear jeans today." Okay. Now we have a fully sentient octopus. Maybe this is how Octo-dad came to be. Now let's remove this even farther from our figurative wall. "I am the idea maker who decided to wear an octopus as jeans today." Oh no. That is a terrible idea, but our idea maker did come up with it. You can decide whether or not you're proud of them. This could be a new fashion innovation. We'll call it octopants. Our idea maker can see the marketers flowing in already. That means it's time for a new sentence.

The new sentence will be, "A plucked chicken is a man." That's already quite the sentence. Considering Diogenes as we would consider the coconut, let's make it different. "A plucked chicken is Diogenes." That sentence, apart from being a bit rude, is quite inaccurate, as well as being grammatically incorrect so lets fix it. "Diogenes is a plucked chicken." That sounds almost like an insult. Let's make a final revision. "Diogenes is a plucked chicken with broad, flat nails." He is truly a man in this regard.

How about this sentence, "I won't let go." Let's change it into, "I'll never let go." Now this is a sentence addressing a person, so let's explicitly state that. "I'll never let you go." That could be romantic, but in this context it's not. How do we know that? Because I told you.
Now let's change it to be more personal. "I'm never going to let you go." That one is romantic. Let's simplify something first. We can combine "Going" and "To". "I'm never gonna let you go." That's a bit more like something a midwesterner would say. In some cases we can say that letting go is giving up. so let's change that as well. Let's also remove the word, "I'm," because at this point, it is unnecessary.  "Never gonna give you up NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU."
You just got Rick-Rolled