Let's Try Again Tomorrow

 This is not going to be a retrospective because I don't really want to do one. Also some of my family members see these blog posts so nothing of that sort. All I can give you is some vague recaps.

1. I'm glad we're not friends anymore for the sake of both of us

2. Benzene (deep voice)

3. You really are a bastard, aren't you?

4.I'm tired of being in love with someone who will never want me

5. The Greeks had some shit, huh?

6. Dodie needs to stop that

7. Depiglio (again)

8. [despair noises]

9. Well now I don't want to do it

10. "Kanny thinks it's cards"

You can unlock the stories behind these if you want. This is literally just the starting point for a bunch of new posts when I get around to it. Until then, don't make any predictions about the new year in my direction. I don't want them. You can figure it out as you go along.

The World's WORST Brownie Recipe

 Hello there faithful readers! I know it's been a while, but I thought I would come back with a real treat for you all today! I'm going to share here my absolute WORST brownie recipe that tastes absolutely, indescribably awful.

On those summer days when I work in a garden that's just not hot enough, I go home and make one of these so that I can feel like absolute shit. It's not quite the same as being in 98 degree heat, but it certainly gets the job done! We start with some quality brown rice. You can get it from the grocery store if that's what you're into. Usually, I go out into a field and grab random seeds from various plants and pretend that they're brown rice. It works just fine either way. You absolutely don't need to have a vivid imagination to mask that horribly bitter taste of the field seeds. If you buy your brown rice from a store, remember to think very hard about each grain. It softens some of the pain later.

The second most important part of your hideous brownies is the eggs. I locally source mine from turkey nests in the trees, but again, store bought is fine. If you do buy from the store though, make sure that you crack all of them open before you get home. This is important to keep your eggs from forming a god complex. You have to strike them down for their hubris so that they don't take over your kitchen when you get home.

The final, and most crucial component of this recipe is technique. You certainly can't beat your eggs and expect them to come home again after they're old enough to move out! You have to gently caress your ingredients (Yes this includes every single grain of rice. No ingredient left behind!) and make sure that you tuck them in before putting your horrible emulsion into your oven. This insures that your texture is gritty and grainy due to the unincorporated ingredients. It makes this recipe something that is fit to be served at the devil's dinnertable!

Without further ado, here's the recipe!

1 cup of brown rice

1/2 a cup of bee flour (straight from the bee grinder)

1 bar of Ex-Lax (melted)

A handful of Cocoa powder (Eyeballing it is fine, especially if you don't have hands)

As many eggs as you can fit in your pan

1. Pour the brown rice and bee flour into a large mixing bowl. Use a toilet plunger and plunge until they're thoroughly combined.

2. Start adding eggs. Don't stop. Remember to caress them and tuck them into the mixture afterward!!

3. Have your sleep paralysis demon melt the bar of Ex-Lax. They are very pleasant to work with if you ask nicely.

4. Stream in the melted Ex-Lax as you continue to caress and tuck your eggs into the mixture.

5. Ask your sleep paralysis demon to use a fine, mesh sifter to sift a handful of cocoa powder as you continue to tuck eggs. Make sure that you use your hands to measure the cocoa powder or else the sleep paralysis demon may use it to make a gateway to our dimension to possess your body and burn down your house.

6. As you continuously tuck eggs, pour the mixture into a large baking dish. Scrape the sides of the bowl with the plunger you used earlier.

7. Place the baking dish into your oven (Keep tucking those eggs!) and set your oven to the highest temperature possible.     

8. Bake the mixture until it brings dread to your heart and a withering malady has been brought upon your eyes.

9. Allow the mixture to cool for at least one hour.

10. Banish your sleep paralysis demon.

And there it is! I hope that you all vomit as much as you possibly can when you try my disgusting recipe. It is simultaneously uncomfortably dry and ridiculously wet in a malicious way that makes you want to wash your tongue with concentrated base. And who could possibly forget the horrible, hideous crunching of what can only be described as the bitter tears of your now long gone sleep paralysis demon.

Leave a comment with a picture of your own creations! Until next time!

Rating Band Names

 You get the idea based on the title. Let's get into it.

21 Pilots: I find it hard to believe that this specific number of pilots is strictly necessary. If there are too many pilots they'll only crowd the cockpit. 2/10. That's just a basic lack of planning.

Maroon 5: There? Are more???? Than five of them???????????? None of them???? Are any particular shade of red???????????? 3/10

Taylor Swift: If she were so swift, she would make music faster. When do the lies end, Taylor? When do they end? 1/10

N-Sync: Do you think you're funny? N-sync? In sync? In sync with what? A lazy singing style? 3/10

Foster the People: I'm certain you don't have enough influence or money to do that. Also, you shoot people? Is that right? You're most popular song is about shooting people? 4/10 but only because the song was good when I was 14 and depressed.

The Chainsmokers: I hate you and all that you do. You don't deserve that name, it's too edgy for your little trashy pop band of white men. You ruined Halsey, you ruined Coldplay (even if it was only temporary) and it infuriates me that your songs are so popular. 0. There won't be an /10 because you don't deserve it.

Lana Del Rey: That's not even your real name. I'll let it slide because I feel like you're living your best life. 8/10

Coldplay: You aren't even close to cold. When I want cold music, I want it to chill me to the bone, I want to feel real and genuine terror that stops my heart cold. You are moderately lukewarm. 5/10

Nickelback: I think it's sad that you included your net worth in your band name. I'm also mad that you were the main show at the North Dakota state fair during the July of 2018. They had Pop Evil open. We could have had a Pop Evil concert. How dare you. 1/10

Pop Evil: This name sounds like a cave man expressing an opinion. You get a pass because that's hilarious and I find great joy in it every time I think about it. 7/10

Imagine Dragons: I will. Thank you. 7/10

The Lumineers: Not much to say. Their album covers are always so dark though. There's never a single light color. I dunno that seems like lying to me. 4/10

Breaking Benjamin: I find no reason to. He's been dead for what, 300 years? 2/10

AJR: Short, concise. Doesn't waste your time. I like it. 8/10

Panic! at the Disco: This man looks like he has never had a panic attack in his life ever. He had the confidence to write a full album about his wife like 8 years before they got married. Does that sound like someone who has panic attacks or goes to the disco? Is disco still alive? 3/10

Halsey: That's just a mishmash of your first and last names. 3/10

Hozier: That's just one of your last names. 3/10

Fall Out Boy:

 

Feel free to send in band names for me to rate. Have a wonderful existence while you can. Eventually, you won't be able to.

Squidward is Bisexual. This is the Hill I Will Die On.

 Earlier this morning, I saw a post where there were a bunch of people arguing about which candidate for the 2020 election different Spongebob characters would vote for. Unsurprisingly, the conclusion they came to was that Bubble Bass and Squilliam Fancison would be the only characters to vote for Lord Dampnut. The part of the post I take issue with is a really, really dumb thing to fixate on, but the reasoning for Squidward voting for the other candidate, you know, that guy, was that he's a gay clarinet player; something that lord dampnut is opposed to. The problem is, Squidward is bisexual, not gay. It doesn't make much difference, but I'm going to make my case anyway.

𝓔𝔁𝓱𝓲𝓫𝓲𝓽 𝓐:

In the episode "Squilliam Returns" (The "fine dining and breathing" episode), Squidward is very clearly intimidated by Squilliam. So much so that he says, "Okay Squidward, just, imagine him in his underwear". Who does that? Who is afraid of one person in particular and says "I'm going to imagine him in his underwear to make him less scary"??????????????

Anyway, Squidward imagines this:

 

And follows with:

 

I think that this is really funny. Other than that, I don't really believe that Squidward would imagine Squilliam like this unless he were already attracted to him to some extent. Squidward, in all of his artist/clarinet player angst, imagines Squilliam as some out of reach, ideal male Octopus, and in other episodes, wishes that he could be like Squilliam, stoking a rivalry. Let's be real: Rivalries are not straight. There will always be a certain amount of homoeroticism present in any same-sex rivalry scenario. That's reality. You have to live with it.

Okay, so we have established that Squidward is attracted to Squilliam, but what about the other direction? That's simple really. In the episode, "Love That Squid" Squidward meets Squilvia in a scenario that looks somewhat like this:

 

The whole episode is about Squidward being nervous about going on a date with Squilvia, whom he is very obviously attracted to. 

Besides the very obvious episodes that demonstrate his bisexuality, he has all of the characteristics of a bisexual: Bitter, overdramatic, constantly tired, "tea with a lemon", over-intense (remember that snow episode?), plays clarinet, ridiculously awkward, goes out of his way to make a point. It's all there.

I rest my case. If you see any of the characteristics of bisexuality and say "Hey, I do that and I'm not bi!" I might have some news for you. That's it. The end. Go away and have gay thoughts at the gym or something.

Something.

 Is being unhinged a job? Is being absolutely silly something that I could make into a career? 

Obviously, the answer is yes. There are plenty of people who start a youtube channel and then immediately get sponsored by nordvpn or raid shadow legends or audible-remember when audible was sponsoring people? Other people thought that was gross, right? Do audio books work for anybody? It feels like it's impossible to retain any meaningful information when I'm listening to the boom rather than absorbing it with my sight orbs.

I understand that for some people it's easier to listen to a book rather than reading it, but how? I get bored so fast that I start dissociating and the story gets turned on its head. I started listening to the first book in the Witcher saga and and it broke me. I'm pretty sure someone died. In the book. Not real life... Maybe in real life? I couldn't hear anything and Minot is a sketchy city.

That's just neurodivergent brain I guess. Apparently my brain does the same kind of thing that ADHD brains do where they have really strange thought processes with no direct pathway. The best example I can think of right now is bad, but bear with me. Someone may be talking about how they had oatmeal for breakfast and I'll be like, "My favorite color for socks is green," with no logical explanation. What's probably happening in my brain is something like this:

Me: "mmm. They had oatmeal for breakfast. I love oatmeal."

Brain: (That's what I thought you'd say you dumb fucking horse)

Me: "Hmm... horses live on farms. Farms are where oatmeal is grown."

Brain: (The farmers probably have to get up early to tend to the oat)

Me: "Explain"

Brain: (Oat farm takes lots of effort. Time is required)

Me: "That makes sense. I wonder what they do to get ready in the morning?"

Brain: (Boot are probably involved)

Me: "They probably need good socks to make sure they don't wear out super fast"

Brain: (What color are sock?)

Me: "I like green."

Or something like that. It's surprising that anything gets done around here. It's of note that my horrible monkey brain does this on top of everything else. I'm literally playing Animal Crossing right now as I'm typing this. I'm also texting five people. All of these things requires my full attention. I'm also listening to music, but that doesn't count because I wasn't following along with the lyrics in my mind. The excessive need for dopamine is strong with this one. That's why impulse purchases happen. Did I need two more decks of cards? No. Did they make me slightly happy for a brief period of time? Absolutely. Are they currently making me happy? Not unless I also get them out to use them, but that would take away from making wishes on stars in Animal Crossing and I have to text Chris, Lilly, and my sister back. I don't have the time.

Sometimes my brain goes in the opposite direction, though, and doesn't want to do anything. On these days I sit on my bed and do something I don't want to do because it's easier than doing something I don't want to do than doing the things I need to do and want to do even less than what I'm doing. It makes me wish I could just stop, but then I would be bored and brain doesn't like that so it makes me do pointless and numb activity. 

And that's my life. A constant tug of war between doing too much and doing too little. I rarely win. My brain wins pretty much every time. It's worse when I'm caffeinated. Then I do things I don't want to do faster with more dissociation. I can usually do stuff that I need to but don't want to if  I'm caffeinated, though. Don't even get me started on sugar. I don't want more sweets because they will make me sick, but thinky machine demands dopamine.  

Why does life gotta be rough?

I didn't edit this because I'm playing Animal Crossing. If you're mad, who cares? Sue me.

I Am So Angry and I Can't Come Up With a Real Title

 So uhhhhh.... College amiright?

No. I am very wrong. If you agreed, reevaluate where you are in life. Nobody needs that kind of energy in their life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If I'm not going to be able to make a living wage, I might as well fail right out of high school instead of going to school for four years and not getting paid enough. One route gets you a shit ton of debt and both lead to not being able to support yourself. But it's your decision. If you just work hard enough, maybe you'll be deemed worthy enough to be alive. I'm practically already dead and I'm in college right now. 

That being said, college is such a scam omfg. Let me explain a bit (although if you're also in college you probably don't need me to.)

I'm currently attending Minot State University. I thought this would be fine. It's pretty cheap and it has decent ranking for academic quality. When I filled out my FAFSA, I got a loan that covered all of my expenses.

Not. We thought it would, but it didn't and it's not my fault. (By we, I mean me and my aunt who works at the college)

Minot State has a policy about freshmen: Unless you sign a waiver that says that you will live with family who are within 50 miles of the campus, you are required to live on campus and enroll in a meal plan. On some level, that makes sense. Requiring that you live on campus and have a meal plan means they can make sure that you have a place to stay and food to eat. The issue is, they aren't upfront about the charges.

Now obviously, they state how much everything costs. Here's the problem: I accepted my student aid in July. My loan from my FAFSA plus a scholarship was enough to cover all of my costs. But they didn't add the housing and meal plan charge until the middle of August. 

If you're not sure why that's a problem, let me explain. I received $8000 for tuition and fees and accepted it. It covered all of my tuition and class fees. I found out the day that tuition was due that I did not have enough to cover housing and meals and had to come up with $3000. If they require freshmen to live on campus, why in the hell did they not add the $3000 all the way back in July when they told me what everything would cost. What the fuck.

After talking to my aunt to figure out how the hell I was going to come up with $3000 in 10 hours, we talked about the situation a bit. She told me that a coworker said, "Freshmen get fucked."

No fucking kidding. When I talked to my sister about how it felt scummy to wait so long to add the charge to my account, she made me realize why it felt so scummy.Your FAFSA is supposed to cover as much of your schooling costs as possible. If they don't add the $3000 dollars right away, the government doesn't have that $3000 recorded as needed from the FAFSA. That pretty much forces you to either get a private loan, or deal with the cost out of pocket.

Even though the university says that they don't receive compensation of any kind from private loans, I honestly can't think of any other reason that they would deal with the costs like that. If I had known about this, I probably wouldn't have even enrolled. I got completely fucked over, and now I have an extra loan that I didn't want.

I'm beyond frustrated with this whole situation. I love learning and I like all of the people that I have met and worked with on campus, but don't go here, especially if you're a freshman. I doubt that anyone who reads this will have been considering going here, but seriously. 

If you have anything to say about this situation or about college in general, feel free to reach out to me. I certainly will not side with any college if you need to rant or whatever. 

Have a day. You can decide if it will be good or bad.

A Horrible and Cursed Idea

 I have a few important things to say before we get started.

Firstly, I'm very, very sorry for this particular blog post. I don't know about you, but this is not the content that I had in mind when I decided I wanted to hold onto this blog.

Secondly, here's a disclaimer. This post is going to discuss furries and the economy. I know that the economy is horrible and terrifying, but you'll survive. Also I'm not a furry and I know I like to tease people about being furries, but I don't actually have any more of an issue with furries than I do with people who engage in literally any other hobby. You wouldn't point at people who are into anime and tell your friends that they're gross for liking Naruto (Unless you're the worst kind of person). Nobody goes around and makes fun gaming communities for cosplay. It's not a big deal. Shut up.

You have no obligation to share this particular post with anybody and I won't ask you to share this post, but if you enjoy my blog posts, please share them with people you care about. If you have any friends who are furries, feel free to share this with them as a way to say, "I now know why you are the way you are!" Everybody is looking for reasons why they are the way they are. This may help.

And so it begins.

I was in the car with my older siblings when I noticed a building that was used as an office for a law firm. The sign on the building had the name of the firm and the mascot; an anthropomorphic squirrel wearing a kilt. When I saw this, a thought occurred to me that probably nobody was expecting: What if furries are an inevitability of capitalist society? 

I will be the first to admit that this is a weird thing to think after seeing a sign for a law firm. We aren't even going to get into the strange ADHD-esque logic pathways that connected these particular dots, but the point is, this particular sign led to thinking about whether there are patterns in the way anthropomorphisation is used in the world of business and whether these patterns have a noticeable impact on people who see them.

Quick detour. If you're not aware of what a furry is, welcome to the internet! I'm going to be taking this particular innocence away from you. Furries are people who have a particular interest in anthropomorphic animals. Furries generally seem to regard their community as a fandom the way that any other group centered around a particular medium does. Furries have animal personas, conventions, costumes of their persona, and any other fandom accoutrements that you can imagine. It is a little weird, but no judgement here.

My first question when exploring this was, "How does the world of marketing influence the public, and on a smaller scale, individuals?" We are constantly bombarded by marketing tactics and varying advertisements for everything from the new brand of bread to gadgets that you've never seen before and never needed. The obvious goal behind them is to convince you to buy something.The relevant strategy that comes for this topic is anthropomorphisation. There are a ton of studies about this particular topic. One study by Dwinita Laksmidewi et al says that, "researchers found that presenting products with human-like physical features led to consumers' positive response."1.   This is because assigning human traits to non-human things, like animals or inanimate objects, allows us to relate to things that we normally wouldn't assign human traits to.2.

 You have definitely seen these anthropomorphic mascots before. They're on cereal boxes, in sports teams, they're part of things you haven't even heard of. Some very popular media makes use of non-human characters. Children's literature has given any kind of animal you can feasibly think of human characteristics. It makes sense that there are people internalize this and make their own characters. If all of the examples before weren't enough, this random and kind of strange website makes the point that some of the most popular cartoon characters are furries. This is enough of a phenomenon that there is an entire website dedicated to research on furries that has resources for anybody who wants to learn the who, what, and why on furries. 

I know a lot of people don't see Tony the Tiger and think, "I wanna be that," but those who get involved with the furry community may have faced external factors that influenced them. New research has shown that advertisements can change the way that people feel and think about themselves. More specifically, the study states, "behaviorally targeted ads lead consumers to make adjustments to their self-perceptions to match the implied label.3.  Based on that, people most likely don't see mascots like the fucking cheeto's cheetah and think, "I want to be that," the unconscious process is probably closer to, "I want to be like that." 

So we have come full circle. A big combination of marketing strategies has likely led individuals to being a furry. I don't have the schooling or credibility to make a conclusion about whether or not furries are inevitable, but based on all of that, it certainly seems like it could be the case. I don't have the time or the patience (or the willpower for that matter) to continue researching for this, but feel free to do your own research on it. If the history of marketing tactics was different than it is, maybe there would be fewer furries, but furry mascots have been a thing since the industrial revolution. As long as there is a company trying to sell something, there will most likely be some genius on a marketing team somewhere who says, "Look at this! Empathy is triggered by this talking lion! Let's exploit that!"

 

This post took way too long. Anyway, I hope that you don't want to yeet yourself into the void too violently.

Thank you for reading. Love you.