This Post Doesn't Concern You

So I literally just thought about that 21 pilots song called "Guns for hands" and thought of NUNS for hands. It reminds me of that bobs burgers halloween episode where the kids dressed up as the dragon with the girl tattoo, some artist pun, and a nun who was also an accountant. Tina was the nun. "Nun of your business"

That's pretty much it.

Edit: Please read my older posts that are real posts. I'm begging you. My crops are starving. My children are dying.

Gloves Are Probably Not Real

You know that feeling when your hands are cold? You do, so answer yes. If you say no I will mark you as a liar and you will be executed next thursday, I don't make the rules, sorry. Now imagine you have two hands, and only one of them is cold. What do you do? If you answered put on a glove, I know. I'm already triangulating your location. I'm going to steal your stupid single glove you heathen. This is not the 70's. This is not a disco. We are not doing that thing where you move your finger in a diagonal line starting at your waist and ending above your head.
I hope you realize right now that I feel like a crazy person and I'm lowkey dissociating but keep it chill.

Now imagine this: Your hands are cold. Both of your hands. You only have one glove. What do you do then? If you put on the glove, I'm assuming that you are putting both of your hands together, palm-to-palm, and putting both of them into the single glove. John doesn't believe I could do it. Leave a scathing comment on his blog. I appreciate your time.

Okay now that I have ended my extremely weird descent into whatever that was. I actually can't believe that fashion is a real thing. Why is it suddenly trendy to wear plaid? Why did everyone freak out about that dress made of raw meat that lady gaga wore in like 2009? Who are the fashion police, and what government manages them? It's a lot of unknowns, and many people are terrified of the unknown, but not me, so lets do some philosophy instead of real research that I could do.

Really things are fashionable because people like them. That's it. That's a very simple solution to something that nobody thought was really a problem. The reason these things become popular is because people decide that they like the trend simply because other people like it. That's a horrible way to live your life. You have to decide what you like and stick with it. The major problem you'll encounter is the rest of society, namely "Cringe Culture". It's really stupid, and the death of such a thing could not have come soon enough.

Live your hecking life. Good luck out there.

Letters to CJ

This is a letter that was meant to be sent a long time ago. I only realized it was missing when it returned to me one day. I remade it, only to find out that it had been replaced with something that is meant to be waved in somebody's face, as if it were trying to say, "This is the way I have won. You have lost the battle and will lose the war." The new letter reads, "I'm the victim," when it was really meant to say thank you. The person who intercepted it was very careful in making sure you never received it as it was supposed to be.

"I'm writing this now to say that I want you to know that I'm doing better now in so many ways."
 And I'm running out of words now because I don't know what way to express to you how grateful I am, because when I needed it you saved me from the darkness that resides at the end of a fist. For talking, for hiding, for existing. Before you were here, it made me realize that a families light is a finite resource, and that everyone must take some of it or inevitably, one member will take it all and use it to hold power over everyone else. They snatch it away and hold it over your head until your shadow consumes you.

I don't know how to say that you're the reason I no longer live in fear. And I don't know how to tell you that I know you're not perfect. I've seen your worst, and somehow it reminded me that maybe it wouldn't have stopped. That maybe the only reason you did anything was because you couldn't stand seeing someone else enduring the same pain that you did, even though you would never say it, because that's never been who you are.

I know that things happen for a reason, but I can't conceive a reason for the darkness other than simply being a way to help us battle each other out of it. Because in so many ways you saved my life. And I can't conceive of a reason for the darkness to exist for any other purpose than to make us become the light.

But I still don't know how to say it. So I write the words. "Thank you." And I send the letter again with the hope that you'll see it. And someday, when you know all I can't tell you, you'll say "thank you," too.

You're no longer here, but you will never be forgotten. In my mind, you will always be my older sister.
Signed, Patrick Baker.

The Weather is Making My Whole Being Hurt :/

Currently, the weather has decided to do a thing where it sleets and freezes. You know this. What you don't know is that it's probably a conspiracy. The government blah blah blah, the illuminati yada yada yada, the chem-trails are turning the frogs gay. That kind of thing. The newest conspiracy is that the moon is really a government construct meant to fool us into thinking that aliens aren't real. It's called "Project-Phase" and nobody is supposed to talk about it, but the FBI agent that periodically moniters my activity let it slip while subduing the member of the Sheriff's secret police was done telling me that Alex Jones was just a puppet set up by the government. He thinks he's telling the truth on some deep level, but he's really there for misdirection. Except that time he screamed, "What is Venezuela." Venezuela isn't real. Have you ever been there? I rest my case.

So I guess that's whats happening in my brain right now. Lets just kind of push that into the incinerator and talk about the ground. What is the purpose of the ground? (now that I think about it I'm really freaked out because what is the purpose of the ground? Is it for plants? Is it to keep us from becoming a part of the Earth's insides? If I could ask God one question that would probably be it.) When you think about how the ground is pushing against you, realize that you are also pushing against the ground. You are being lifted up by the one you are pushing down. Think about that.

What about air? Have you seen air? No, you haven't. The molecules are a certain space apart, and that space happens to be one that doesn't exist to your mortal eyes! That's pretty neat! Do you know that as you approach the atmosphere, the molecules get farther apart, and hypoxia can set in in humans very quickly, and boi is that quite a drug.

The sun may or may not be watching you. It does not listen to the government. The sun wishes it's best, and wants you to be successful. You could say its rooting for you, but then you would be wrong because the sun is hot and you can't very well root anything on the sun. The sun will not be your friend, and is one of the major reasons you exist. If you're religious, it helped your deity create the universe. If you're not religious, what will you do?. How do you live your life? What is the purpose of life? What do you do with the information, the knowing that everything in life is essentially pointless and will never actually influence universal outcomes? All in all, that seems like an unpleasant experience.

Is Dr. Seuss actually a doctor? What does he have a degree in? Agnostics, this one is on you. If he is actually a doctor, he was very good at hiding his medical practices. Maybe he was a child psychologist. Really adds a layer of horror to, "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish." Maybe all of his books were just thought experiments on children.

I think now is the time to stop this blog post. Hope you enjoy whatever it is you do.