V May be for Vendetta, but M is for Martha Stewart

If you've never heard of Martha Stewart, I envy you with every waking second. If you know baking, you know Martha Stewart. If you know stove top cooking, you know Martha Stewart. If you know how to be pretentious, you know Martha Stewart. There is no escaping this woman.

So imagine this; You are minding your own business one day when you want a creme brulee. You don't have a creme brulee. The logical course of action is to make a creme brulee. The first recipe that comes up is a Martha Stewart recipe when you look online, so you decide to go with it.

You're about halfway through making the desert. Martha says to pop it into the oven for an hour and a half. That time passes, and you take the horrible dessert out of the oven. You brulee it, as is procedure for these things. You grab a spoon, and prepare to dig into it. The spoon is prepared and heading into the dish. The spoon stops on top of the caramelized surface and snaps in half. Martha lied to you. You needed six eggs, not 3. Now all of you have is three and a half wasted hours, and a lovely flambed brick.

Other than her recipes just not working, she says really weird things when she's on her show. There was one episode where she made onion rings, and then immediately made glazed onions. Other than having no idea about why you would do that, she said something irritating about salt. She said, "Make sure you get salt without iodine." UGHH MARTHA. We get it, you live by the coast. Also, iodide and iodine are different things, and we would DIE without iodide. Mrs. Pretentious grandmother over here.

I told my friend, (He's 'The Kong' in my phone) and said, "Just say you sold your soul to the aristocracy and go. That conversation spawned a show that would be much more interesting that "Martha Bakes"

Here I present to you: Martha Bakes: In Hell. "I sold my soul so.... No more food! Bye!" That's what the hell edition of Martha would say. And then we cut to an hour's worth of a black screen with occasional screams and a soft buzzing noise.

In all seriousness, she doesn't really seem like she actually knows what she's doing. She seems confident but sometimes she seems kind of surprised by the outcome of the things that she cooks. If she's baked them before, why is she surprised about it? Also Snoop Dog is there sometimes for some reason???? It's like a combination of Mrs. Pretentious and a guy that nobody remembers who was on trial for murder.

If you're skeptical about her recipes not working, but also about how recipes not working is a big problem in the food world. There's an article about that here. So remember to do your research before buying a cookbook, or following a tutorial. The only reason I say not to follow Martha's recipes is because a larger amount than normal don't work. There are a few cookie recipes and there are multiple cake recipes, particularly french ones. Tell me about your favorite cooking show, and happy baking everyone! Just make sure it works first.

(Just to clarify I don't actually hate Martha Stewart. Some of the things she does just make me mad. She's not actually that bad. She's not the best, but she's not that bad.)