My Extra Teeth

This is a great big warning. If you are uncomfortable at the mention of weird health issues relating to teeth, don't read this.

Sooooooooooo. It's that time again. The time to go to the dentist. The dentist time. The time of the dentist. Does anybody like the dentist? The answer is most definitely a no. But should we dread going to the dentist? That's a completely different topic.

I used to hate going to the dentist, purely because I knew they were going to give me crap about my teeth. I'm kind of salty about that honestly. I show up and pay you thousands of dollars so you can criticize my life choices and stab my mouth for an hour. Thanks, I love that. The other thing I'm mad about is that they always tell me I need to brush my teeth better, but refuse to acknowledge that I have really bad drymouth. If you were to compare my mouth when I wake up in the morning to the Sahara desert, this guy is the winner.

In the morning I get water immediately. I have to. If I didn't, there wouldn't be enough water for any living thing to breathe. I'd absorb all the water and it would kill all the trees. But enough of that. I have come here to tell you that I have extra teeth that the dentist doesn't want to think about.

Imagine this: I walk into the dentists office on some morning. I wait in the lobby, completely unsuspecting, waiting for these people to tell me I'm not flossing my larynx enough, when they call me back for an x-ray. They take an x-ray. The practitioner looks really confused for a second, and tells me that we're going to take another x-ray. They do it. She stares at it for about 5 minutes, and I'm just standing there with my face attached to this wall machine made to probe your skeleton.

Then the rest of the visit goes as normal, but after the stabbing and, "You're bleeding because you don't floss," is over, they call over my present parental unit and they're like, "This little used napkin gots some toofs in the roof." Translation: I had a tooth growing into the roof of my mouth.

The lady said that they could probably guide it into place by pulling the tooth in front of  the spot it was in. So they did that. And then after a while, a new tooth grew into the place they pulled. Here's the real kicker, the tooth is currently chilling in the roof of my mouth. They pulled an adult tooth hoping that the tooth that's chilling in the roof of my mouth would move out, but a new tooth grew in it's place. Not the tooth they wanted, but a COMPLETELY NEW ADULT TOOTH.

And apparently that's called hyperdontia. It doesn't sound pleasant, but it's not that bad I guess. The only downside is finding out that it is usually associated with really bad hereditary diseases that I should probably get checked for now. If you want to read about that for some reason it's here. So I guess learn something new everyday people. Even if what you learned left you with an uncomfortable amount of information about my teeth.

Thought Process

Okay so a while ago I was thinking about really dumb mistakes in coding. I'm talking about those hilarious things with the way things are programmed that just completely break the processes in the code. Things like forgetting parentheses on a line that tells the computer to run the process once and then not coding a command to make it stop the process. The computer basically kills itself. It tries to run the process, but since it can't stop, it just runs that process over and over and over until it runs out of memory and crashes. That's seriously one of the funniest things ever. These computers are supposed be super smart or something, but they're actually super dumb.

They aren't dumb because they can't do processes correctly. Every computer does exactly what it's programmed to do. Even if what it's programmed to do is run a text script until it crashes. So really, every problem you'll ever have with a computer is not the computers fault. It's most likely your fault. A lot of people don't believe it's their fault though. And thus we get to the topic of today.

Humans are really dumb. This seems to be the only thing directly programmed into our brains. Every single response you have to anything can be equated to the process in a computer. This may be why we find computers so relatable. If I had to write the same sentence over and over for a comparatively long amount of time, I would probably crash too. What this does not account for however is the ability of humans to pack bond with literally everything.

There was a post on twitter where someone got a notification at midnight during a thunderstorm from their roomba. There was a power surge and their roomba got stuck on the base of a fan even though it wasn't supposed to be on, so this person got up, and brought the roomba with them and put them it to bed. They felt that strong bond because their roomba felt so much fear that they had to ensure it was safe.

So that got me thinking: Dogs probably didn't get domesticated the way we think. It was most likely less like, "Hey these things can get food easy. This is beneficial to me as someone who wants to stay alive," and more like, "These things are so small, what a cute baby I want it to love me I will pet it and give it food, its just so smollllllll AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH." Humans will probably be put into universal history for trying to pet everything. Aliens will come to Earth all like, "We come in peace," and the first human to see them will be like, "I wonder if I can pet that."

Anyway. This was actually a very useful evolutionary trait to have because literally the only reason we survived is by working together. We have to continue to work together so we can set a good example for the probably octopus derived species that will inherit the earth. I have to mention, have you noticed how great octopuses are?

V May be for Vendetta, but M is for Martha Stewart

If you've never heard of Martha Stewart, I envy you with every waking second. If you know baking, you know Martha Stewart. If you know stove top cooking, you know Martha Stewart. If you know how to be pretentious, you know Martha Stewart. There is no escaping this woman.

So imagine this; You are minding your own business one day when you want a creme brulee. You don't have a creme brulee. The logical course of action is to make a creme brulee. The first recipe that comes up is a Martha Stewart recipe when you look online, so you decide to go with it.

You're about halfway through making the desert. Martha says to pop it into the oven for an hour and a half. That time passes, and you take the horrible dessert out of the oven. You brulee it, as is procedure for these things. You grab a spoon, and prepare to dig into it. The spoon is prepared and heading into the dish. The spoon stops on top of the caramelized surface and snaps in half. Martha lied to you. You needed six eggs, not 3. Now all of you have is three and a half wasted hours, and a lovely flambed brick.

Other than her recipes just not working, she says really weird things when she's on her show. There was one episode where she made onion rings, and then immediately made glazed onions. Other than having no idea about why you would do that, she said something irritating about salt. She said, "Make sure you get salt without iodine." UGHH MARTHA. We get it, you live by the coast. Also, iodide and iodine are different things, and we would DIE without iodide. Mrs. Pretentious grandmother over here.

I told my friend, (He's 'The Kong' in my phone) and said, "Just say you sold your soul to the aristocracy and go. That conversation spawned a show that would be much more interesting that "Martha Bakes"

Here I present to you: Martha Bakes: In Hell. "I sold my soul so.... No more food! Bye!" That's what the hell edition of Martha would say. And then we cut to an hour's worth of a black screen with occasional screams and a soft buzzing noise.

In all seriousness, she doesn't really seem like she actually knows what she's doing. She seems confident but sometimes she seems kind of surprised by the outcome of the things that she cooks. If she's baked them before, why is she surprised about it? Also Snoop Dog is there sometimes for some reason???? It's like a combination of Mrs. Pretentious and a guy that nobody remembers who was on trial for murder.

If you're skeptical about her recipes not working, but also about how recipes not working is a big problem in the food world. There's an article about that here. So remember to do your research before buying a cookbook, or following a tutorial. The only reason I say not to follow Martha's recipes is because a larger amount than normal don't work. There are a few cookie recipes and there are multiple cake recipes, particularly french ones. Tell me about your favorite cooking show, and happy baking everyone! Just make sure it works first.

(Just to clarify I don't actually hate Martha Stewart. Some of the things she does just make me mad. She's not actually that bad. She's not the best, but she's not that bad.)

The National Weather Service is my Enemy

The weather forecast for yesterday as well as the rest of this week have been calling for a lot of rain. This is not a normal amount of rain. To be specific, last night, there was a severe weather warning for multiple counties in the state we live in. These counties are generally not scary, but when they're presented by the National Weather Service (NWS), they are the most terrifying thing ever.

There's a TV show called Nova that's on every Wednesday, and as yesterday was Wednesday, there was an episode. This specific episode was about bridges. Seriously. The topic of this documentary episode, was rebuilding covered bridges. So that is literally one of the most mundane things ever. Imagine the most mundane thing you've ever seen, and move it down slightly to make room for the bridge episode.

So here we are, watching a very calming episode, where coincidentally, bridges are destroyed by severe weather, when suddenly, there's the sound. The sound that has been the stuff of nightmares since I was a very young child. Imagine it. A bridge getting destroyed by rising flood waters. And then "EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR. EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR. EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR."

Last night when that happened, I was so upset that I wrote a short story about it. The story is as follows:

"Is anyone else terrified of the national weather service thing? You'll be watching a documentary on bridges or something and 'EEEEERRRR'. Stop complaining we get it lmao." The time tag says "0s" and later it didn't. It's a Tuesday. The next day, it will not be a Tuesday. The coming days will bring a tornado. This tornado will be called Micheal.

The time tag on the twitter post now says "1ho." This was a rather rude time tag. I get a notification. Someone replied to my tweet. They said, "Don't complain so loud or the national weather service will hear you." The twitter account then deleted itself. The persons computer had a walrus problem, resulting in a fatal error, and a fatality on the computer.

The time tag on the twitter post says, "2d." Use your imagination to give that meaning. Micheal has come and gone. There was nothing left of the imaginary house I built. I put all of my savings into that imaginary house. The national weather service van pulls up. Yes, they have a van.

Their representative steps out. The whole weather service is in the van. She speaks on behalf of the whole weather service. "Is your name Rhonda?" She asks. "No," I reply, my name having never been Rhonda. She then reaches out and stabs me in the arm. "We don't like getting called a complainer, Rhonda." She then re-entered the van and the national weather service drove away.

The twitter time tag says "3d." Micheal is gone, and so is the national weather service. There was another reply to the twitter post. "Hey Rhonda, it's Micheal," the reply says. I close twitter and sigh. Time to rebuild my imaginary house.

So that's the story. I have no real reason to be mad at the NWS, but, you know, I guess? The weather service thing still scares me, and hopefully it rains tonight so that it freezes and we have an excuse to stay home. Also ice, but mostly I want an excuse to stay home.

Anyway, the Nova website is here if you want to check it out. The NWS link is here if you want to send them a strongly worded letter. If you do, motion them in the general direction of this post. And with that, make sure that you comment with your feelings about the NWS, and remember that eveything you do is an adventure.