Thanksgiving Post

I don't have an interesting blog topic

But I do have this teenage mutant ninja turtles cup

So Thanksgiving sucks (It took me like four tries to type that sentence)
Does anyone actually like turkey? It's so dry it's just not even worth it. That is not the point of this post though. I'm going to tell you about the most hilarious thing ever regarding Thanksgiving.

So its like the 1600's and the pilgrims just landed on the land that they illegally immigrated to. They start building some things. They're super busy building some houses because it's winter and that means that they're also busy dying (Very efficiently might I add). These freaking weirdos forgot that they needed food or something???? That's wack

So spring comes around and they've built some things. They're still all starving though. Here enters the Wampanoag tribe. Particularly Tisquantum, whom they called Squanto (As Squanto was not actually his name it's not going to be written that way. Get over it.) Tisquantum teaches them some stuff about fishing and growing some things particularly corn.

Now we have the fun part. The pilgrims have a feast with the Wampanoag tribe and we call it thanksgiving because they were giving thanks to the tribe that kept them from dying. But after the huge celebration, Tisquantum was like, "Yoooooo, we're outta here," and the pilgrims were like, "We owe you our lives."

So here we are many months later. The pilgrims are still dying efficiently. What went wrong? Absolutely nothing. The Wampanoag people taught them how to survive off the land. What they didn't teach them was how to survive off the corn.

If you were to utilize your google-fu, you would realize very quickly that corn does not have pretty much any nutritional value. Did the pilgrims know this? Absolutely not, these guys had no idea what corn was until like a year ago. The Wampanoag tribe however, did know this. They didn't know this in modern terms, but they knew. Contrary to popular belief, Native tribes were not stupid and still aren't stupid. They knew that to get nutrition from the corn, you had to make homminy by soaking the corn in lye. Tisquantum absolutely wrecked the pilgrims, and I'm convinced he knew what white settlers would do to them in the future.

And that concludes what is probably the most savage ownage in all of history. Have a good hecking thanksgiving.


Addendum:
I'm going to say right now that the pilgrims were actually very good to the Wampanoag people. They had no idea how the lack of this information would effect them. The two groups had an alliance for many years, and the loss of life among the settlers was a very bad thing. They lost over half of everyone that had initially sailed to America. Tisqauntum obviously did not do this on purpose.