I Might Like Books too Much

If you want to know the effect that technology has on your mind when your tired, one time when it was like ten at night, I started having a panic attack because I thought my book was going to run out of battery. It was wild. I couldn't stop freaking out after I realized this though and that's a huge problem. Maybe it's the nature of books as a whole, relying on our imaginations to create a story out of otherwise meaningless information, or maybe it's just the fact that you shouldn't be reading the Illiad at 12:30 on a Tuesday night. You really shouldn't read the Illiad under these conditions. Your 3rd eye will open and you will access a pocket dimension in which bacteria are human sized and spray chemical on surfaces to kill humans so that they don't get an infection. In other words: It's like being indigenous in the 1800's and the chemical you spray to not get infected is arrows/bullets in the direction of the pilgrims so that you don't get weird white people diseases that will ultimately kill you.

Speaking of bacteria: THIS IS YOUR WARNING. This post contains mildly disturbing information about disinfectants and bacteria that may or may not ruin your life. 

Now that that's out of the way, a lot of things like hand sanitizer, don't actually kill 99.9999999 percent of bacteria. They do and they don't. What most people take that to mean is that things kill most of all kinds of bacteria, but the reality is that they only kill a few specific kinds of bacteria. The same thing with rubbing alcohol. Some bacteria have adaptations that allow them to live in such environments. HOWEVER there are a couple of good things, the first being that disinfectants do kill like 99% of their target bacteria. The second is that most of the stuff that is not killed by things like alcohol are harmless. Things like yeast can survive in alcohol. Although alcohol is a specific thing. Things like hand sanitizer only kill some stuff like salmonella for example. Really what I'm saying is you should either use bleach or ethanol to kill things you can't see. Or just wash your hands you heathens. Seriously.

This is not to be confused with things like surfactants. Lysol, for example, is a surfactant. Aside from being a good substitute for caring about things you clean with it, it creates an environment that is difficult to live in. Imagine if someone collected things that smelled like your grandmother's dog, and only your grandmother's dog. You would not want to live with that person. It really just does the same thing with bacteria.

"BuT WhAt DoEs ThIs HaVe To Do WiTh BoOkS?????????" HOLD ON I'M GETTING THERE.  Do you own books? If you answered yes, you may have an issue with your life. If you answered no, you may have an issue with your life. Don't worry, these are different issues.
If you said yes, you probably don't have anything to worry about. But if you get used books you should wrap them in a towel and THROW them into the freezer. You don't know how nasty the person who owned it before you was. If you're paranoid about getting contagious skin diseases, or about getting lice or bed bugs, this is a good thing for you. It's weird, but leaving them in your freezer for a couple hours kills things.

If you said you don't own books, the above portion doesn't apply to you. It also means you don't read. You should evaluate why you don't. Is it because you were forced to read books you didn't enjoy? Is it because you haven't found the author you like yet? Is it because you don't like words? Don't worry, you'll find your book eventually. However if the reason you don't read is because you don't like words, I hope you contract cats. You are in league with the people who don't like chocolate.

This Is the Sentence That Always Ends.

One day, I wrote a sentence that was just very strange at the base of the word. So today I have decided that I am going to look for the strangest combination of words in existence. So we're going to start simply: "The octopus decided to wear jeans today." Okay. Nothing too crazy. You may not understand and octopus' desire or ability to wear jeans, but it makes sense on a purely lingual level. Now let's change it up a little bit: "The octopus decided to become jeans today." That's a pretty dramatically different sentence. A subtle change of a single word made the sentence slightly more ridiculous. How exactly does an octopus go about becoming jeans? But let's go more subtle: "The octopus decided to become genes today." Okay, now there's a homonym taking the place of the word jeans. Obviously the octopus itself cannot become genes, but that's not important. Now how about we make this sentence absolutely wild. "Genes decided to become an octopus today."

We very quickly went from an octopus deciding to put on a pair of jeans to start the day, to genetic information creating an octopus. It went from a cephalapod wearing textile, to evolution. But how can we segue more sentences into odd things? Lets look at a common sentence in the English language: "I had no idea." You know what this sentence means. Now lets make it different. "I had idea." That sentence seems kind of odd to say, although it isn't grammatically incorrect. Let's change it some more. "I am Idea." That one doesn't make much sense to say, besides the fact that it sounds rather Russian. Now we'll add to it. "I am an idea." Now you yourself are not an idea. People aren't ideas, that much is obvious. Now lets make it different. "I am an idea maker." This sentence is very true, even though you may not think of it like that.

Now why don't we really make it strange. Let's add the octopus sentence after the idea maker one. "I am an idea maker. The octopus decided to wear jeans today." Now let's scramble that around. "I am an octopus. The idea maker decided to wear jeans today." Now the octopus is telling a story about an idea maker. That's pretty neat considering that Octopuses can't actually speak human language. Now let's figuratively slam it against a wall. "I am an octopus idea maker, who decided to wear jeans today." Okay. Now we have a fully sentient octopus. Maybe this is how Octo-dad came to be. Now let's remove this even farther from our figurative wall. "I am the idea maker who decided to wear an octopus as jeans today." Oh no. That is a terrible idea, but our idea maker did come up with it. You can decide whether or not you're proud of them. This could be a new fashion innovation. We'll call it octopants. Our idea maker can see the marketers flowing in already. That means it's time for a new sentence.

The new sentence will be, "A plucked chicken is a man." That's already quite the sentence. Considering Diogenes as we would consider the coconut, let's make it different. "A plucked chicken is Diogenes." That sentence, apart from being a bit rude, is quite inaccurate, as well as being grammatically incorrect so lets fix it. "Diogenes is a plucked chicken." That sounds almost like an insult. Let's make a final revision. "Diogenes is a plucked chicken with broad, flat nails." He is truly a man in this regard.

How about this sentence, "I won't let go." Let's change it into, "I'll never let go." Now this is a sentence addressing a person, so let's explicitly state that. "I'll never let you go." That could be romantic, but in this context it's not. How do we know that? Because I told you.
Now let's change it to be more personal. "I'm never going to let you go." That one is romantic. Let's simplify something first. We can combine "Going" and "To". "I'm never gonna let you go." That's a bit more like something a midwesterner would say. In some cases we can say that letting go is giving up. so let's change that as well. Let's also remove the word, "I'm," because at this point, it is unnecessary.  "Never gonna give you up NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU."
You just got Rick-Rolled